Crisis lines first. Then reading worth your time.
Everything on this page is free. None of it replaces a session, and all of it is a reasonable place to start while you decide.
Help right now, and help for later
The first column is for tonight. The other four are for the weeks after, when you want to understand what is going on before or between sessions.
If you need help right now
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Free, confidential, any hour. Call or text 988, or chat online. In Nevada and Utah, 988 connects you to the crisis center inside the state.
Call or text 988
988lifeline.org →SAMHSA National Helpline
Free, confidential referrals for substance use and mental health, any hour, English and Spanish.
Veterans Crisis Line
Any hour, for service members, veterans, and the people around them.
Dial 988, then press 1
Text 838255
Arizona statewide crisis line
Arizona's own crisis line, any hour, listed by the state's Medicaid agency (AHCCCS).
Relationships
The Gottman Institute
Forty years of research on what couples who stay together do differently. The articles are short and specific.
Gottman articles →Esther Perel
Talks and writing on desire, infidelity, and why long relationships get stuck. Worth it even when you disagree with her.
estherperel.com →Attached
Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Explains why one of you chases and the other pulls away, in plain language.
attachedthebook.com →The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
John Gottman and Nan Silver. The book I point couples to first. Any library or bookstore carries it.
Anxiety, depression, and mood
NAMI
National Alliance on Mental Illness. Education, support groups, and a helpline for you or a family member.
nami.org →ADAA
Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Clear explanations of panic, worry, and depression, plus what treatment looks like.
adaa.org →Feeling Good
David Burns. The book that put cognitive behavioral therapy in reach of people who had never sat in a session. Dated in places, still useful.
feelinggood.com →Substance use and recovery
FindTreatment.gov
SAMHSA's confidential search for treatment programs near you, with filters for payment and level of care.
findtreatment.gov →SMART Recovery
Secular, skills-based meetings, online and in person, for anyone who wants an alternative to the twelve steps.
smartrecovery.org →AA and NA
Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. Free meetings in nearly every town and online, any day of the week.
aa.org →na.org →
Al-Anon
For partners and family members of someone who drinks. You can go whether or not the drinker ever does.
al-anon.org →Understanding therapy
Therapy basics
Psychology Today's plain overview of what therapy is, the main approaches, and what a first session usually involves.
Read the overview →Find a clinical social worker
The National Association of Social Workers' public site, if you want to compare licensed social workers in your state.
helpstartshere.org →What is CBT?
The American Psychological Association's explanation of cognitive behavioral therapy, one of the approaches used here.
Read the APA explainer →Motivational interviewing
A short explainer from the trainers' network on the approach used when part of you wants to change and part of you does not.
Read the explainer →These resources are informational, not treatment. Listing an organization, book, or site here is not an endorsement, and outside content can change without notice.
How to use a list like this
A few things I tell people who ask what to read before their first session.
Reading is a fair place to start
A good book can name the pattern you are in and give you words for it. What it cannot do is notice when you slip back into it on a Tuesday night. That part takes another person in the room.
When only one of you is reading
If your partner will not open the book, read it anyway. Change what you do in the cycle and the cycle cannot run the same way. If drinking is part of it, Al-Anon is built for the person on your side of the table.
What I use in session
Cognitive behavioral therapy for the thoughts that keep the fight going, motivational interviewing for the part of you that is not sure it wants to change, and older-school talk therapy for where the pattern came from. The APA and motivational interviewing links above explain the first two.
Bring it in
If a chapter or an article lands hard, say so in your next session. It is often the fastest way into the thing you were not sure how to bring up.